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Stage Three

Endometriosis.  That was the official diagnosis after the laparoscopy.  The endo was attached to just about every organ in that region of my body.  My recovery has been extremely slow-going.  Or not.  Initially, my doctor set an expectation of one week of recovery.  When I spoke to him the day after surgery, he said after three or four days, the pain should be greatly reduced.  Boy, he was wrong.  We’re going on close to two weeks post-op and while I’m definitely making progress, I’m still in way more pain that I anticipated.  Most of my day is still spent in bed with the heating pad.  I’ve been able to cut down on my pain meds but I’m still taking the synthetic morphine which, honestly, is starting to scare me.   I’ve also become depressed, with crying jags.  I know it’s not uncommon to become depressed after surgery and my history of depression doesn’t help, but there were a few really rough days where I couldn’t see the light, when I thought I was toxic and that maybe, just maybe, I should give it all up.  That’s passed, though.  I’m still down but I think the worst of the depression is over and I am starting to see some real progress with regards to healing.   I spoke to my doctor again on Saturday and he assured me that this is all normal.  That because my surgery was so extensive and they could not predict the extent prior to the laparoscopy, recovery time would be longer than we discussed pre-op.  At least there’s some light now, and that helps.

In the meantime, my three year marriage anniversery passed and today is Valentines Day.  I wasn’t able to get the hubby anything and we weren’t able to go out.  It made me really sad but we are rescheduling everything and he has been, as usual, the best husband and caretaker one could ever hope for.  On top of everything – like taking care of Lina, the animals, the house, and me – he also started a major project for our bedroom closet.  He has ripped everything out of there and he’s going to create one of those closets you see in the magazines- multi-layered shelves with pull-out baskets, and a special place for my shoes and purses.

I missed Sylvia’s b-day.  Total bummer.

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Under the Knife

…tomorrow.  I hope they get my name right.


40 Watts

I just received one the best little books ever made by an indie publisher in the mail today:

40 Watts by C.D. Wright (Octopus Books) 111 out of 200
Hand-bound, hand-sewn, letter-pressed black on grey/mint-green hard covers.

It’s freakin’ gorgeous!

and you have not received your purchase – please email me immediately.  It seems a batch of orders I mailed out a couple of weeks ago have not reached a few customers and I’m worried since they are all originating from the same batch.

I’ll have to hurt someone over at the post office.  I assure you, this is the last thing I need.

blah blah blah

a.) It just donned on me that I never sought help for my endometriosis when I was younger and suffering symptoms because I didn’t want to look like a cry baby when I had really painful menstrual cycles.  Totally absurd when I think back since they were so painful I used to have to stay home from school, throwing up and almost passing out.  This mode of thinking was also evident when I refused an epidural with the birth of my daughter until almost 48 hours into labor when my doctor basically forced me to have one.  Where does this super-woman mentality come from?

b.) I’m over politics.  We are owned.  What’s the fucking point?

c.)  I think I’d like to start working towards seriously advocating for the legalization of marijuana and the decriminalization of all illegal drugs in this country.  To me, that’s a worthy cause and one in which I would really enjoy being involved.  Did I just negate the previous point b?

d.) Jason Fraley, you know I heart you.

With one decision, Supreme Court changes the face of American politics. Court rules 5-4 to allow corporations to spend freely on campaign ads.

Someone on FB started a conversation regarding this ruling. Everyone, of course, in an uproar.  What got me, though, was that someone actually had the gall to compare this specific ruling to Roe V. Wade being overturned.

I had to refrain from wanting to cyberslap her.

First of all, corporations owning us is not something new. Corporations simply created committees to funnel funds.  The insurance companies own us.  Big pharma owns us.  They all own us.  Beyond that, the fact that these corporations contribute to campaign ads is also not something new – but the bigger issue is – we, as dumb fucking Americans, believe the purchased rhetoric. So let’s ask ourselves – who’s really at fault?  Do we, or do we not have the choice in listening to that rhetoric?

Secondly, I want someone to explain to me what “human right” has been taken away from us with this specific ruling, as these people who have commented on this issue would have you believe?  I think it totally inappropriate to use that sentiment when the LGBT community continues to fight daily for their most basic human rights.  And where is the foundation for that accusation, anyway?  What human right has been taken away, exactly?

The power of the Supreme Court seems to be causing major grief to these people, now.  I said “now” – specifically/exactly.  Why? Why now?  Where the fuck have you been?  To cry “end of the world” at this moment in time, because of this specific ruling,  seems superfluous, no? Seems silly, no? Seems like you don’t really have grip on things, no?

To compare this ruling to Roe V. Wade being overturned makes you look like you don’t have a coherent thought in your head.  And it’s fucking insulting, you dumb-ass.