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Archive for September, 2007

Untitled 1

(poem)

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Just News

The hubby and I have been busy setting up the new and improved ITWS. I have to say, I’m impressed. Yes, with myself and with the dear hubby. The latest version of phpbb (3) is extremely feature rich both for users and administrators. I think my members are happy and if they are happy, I’m happy. I’m especially giddy about the fantastic shade of green, too.

I had my first doctor’s appt. today in Charlotte and I left crying. Well, I didn’t actually walk out of the office crying but as soon as I got into the car I cried. And I continued to cry for an hour. Basically, I’m out of sleeping medicine and I’m out of all anti-anxiety meds. Apparently, until I can “prove” to my doctor that I have PTSD and that I’ve been suffering from Panic Disorder for 17 years she will not write me any prescription or even give me samples of anything that she considers “habit forming”. However, she did shove lots of samples of Lexapro into a bag along with a prescription. I asked her if I could please have 7 days worth of Ambien samples until the Rozerem starts working and she denied me of that, as well. Something about “teen-agers around here sell those kinds of medicines on the street”. I know I don’t look thirty so I reminded her of that. Apparently, that doesn’t matter. Ambien must be a hot commodity on the rough streets of Mint Hill, North Carolina.

Let’s face it – she thinks I’m a junkie who needs a Benzo fix. And that’s f*ed up, because when I’m in the throws of a panic attack and I think I’m dying, I guess my only option for the time being is to have someone drive me 20 minutes to the hospital and wait another 6 hours in the waiting room until I’m actually seen by a doctor, which by then will have been too late because I will have manifested my own death.

So now comes the part where I call every doctor I’ve ever seen and have them send me my medical records which state that I never see any one doctor long enough because I hate doctors worse than I hate lawyers. Actually, I kind of like lawyers. But I f*n loathe doctors.

So there’s my really f*n bad day. And btw, I never cry.

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this is a church that should believe – Broken Social Scene

(poem)

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Music In My Mind

Broken Social Scene, Cause=Time

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