On the menu:

Spinach Salad
Ham with pineapple slices and cherries
Macaroni and Cheese
Steamed Broccoli – I would have chosen asparagus except the children (lina and hubby) would have frowned.
Rosemary Baguette
Pineapple Upside-down Cake

Also, the new issue of  H_NGM_N is up with a nice little write-up by Jessie Carty of my chapbook, Inside Bone There’s Always Marrow. She also reviews two additional chapbooks by women writers.  In case you didn’t know: Grrls Rule.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier post, given the copious amount of drugs I’ve been taking lately, but my poem, The Arrow of Time, was nominated by the fine ladies at Weave Magazine to Open Thread for their annual Regional Review.  Open Thread selected the poem and it will appear in their forthcoming issue – Regional Review V.2.

On a shitty note, because what would a blog post be at Feel Good Lost without a tablespoon or two of depression, I ran over my neighbor’s Yorkie with my car two nights ago.  The little dog ran under my car just as I shifted into D – I never saw him.  He’s fine, thank the lord jesus christ in small letters.  He has some minor muscle damage and will be on pain meds for a few days.  I cried the entire night.  I shook uncontrollably.  My neighbor actually apologized to me.  I guess she knew that the dog shouldn’t have been out in the road (she never puts him on a leash) and she could tell, quite apparently, that I don’t handle tragedy very well.  I’m just so freakin’ relieved that the dog is okay.

See- I’m cursed.  I’m telling you.  Are you convinced, yet?

Lina has been working on a school project celebrating historic “women” and I talked her into choosing Gloria Steinem as her woman of choice.  She originally wanted to do her project on Helen Keller, which is a worthy choice, but since I thought there was a good chance someone else in her class would choose Helen I explained to her that Gloria would be pretty exclusive and an interesting read since she dealt specifically with women’s rights.  So far, Lina has written a diary entry in the voice of Gloria, a time-line and a collage.  Admittedly, I probably had more fun helping her with the project than she did but I’m so glad she is learning about one of the most influential feminist voices in history.  And at age nine!  Hopefully, it’s these kinds of projects that will one day spark her interest and activism in civil rights movements.  I’m so glad I had a baby girl.

Since I’ve been out of the poetry loop for the last few months, I’m way behind in my chapbook/book reading and would really love it if everyone reading this blog could suggest a new book or two that you feel I should read.  I’m ready to start placing some orders so send me in the right direction.

Song of the day:

They’re tellin’ me to take it like a man, take it like a man, well fuck that.

I wish activision would put this song on guitar hero because I’d really like to play it.

Finally, a new batch is live at Slant. Go forth.

I received my first shot of Lupron Depot on Tuesday.  Lupron Depot is a helluva drug, just ask the women who have taken it.  Not only is it used to treat severe endometriosis, but it is also used to treat prostate cancer.   Things I should expect:  symptoms of menopause – hot flashes and night sweats, insomnia, thinning hair, rash, acne, reduction in breast size (I’m not sure my breasts can get any smaller!), weight gain, and the total crazies.  I’ve heard that women become raving lunatics while taking Lupron.  I have to take the Lupron for six months.  My doctor said that the Lupron greatly reduces the pelvic pain and helps stop the growth of any left-over microscopic endo and halt any new endo from growing.

As far as pain goes, I still have it.  Actually, the day I received my first shot, I thought I was giving birth to a sharp knife.  Doc gave me more Lortab.  I also become exhausted if I go out for just a few hours which is a total bummer.  I was feeling good last Saturday so we spent most of the day out, but when we got home, I literally crashed.  I could barely move my head.  Doc said this is absolutely normal because all my internal energy is being used to heal all the organs where the endo was cut away.  He reiterated that I had “extensive” surgery and that I just have to be patient.

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week to monitor my moods while on the Lupron, per the advise of Doc.  I told her right off the bat that I will not take antidepressants and she was fine with that.

Lina started spring soccer last week and we are all excited.  I’m the “team parent” this year and I’ve already started looking at trophies and have one picked out that I think the girls will like, plus it doesn’t look like any of the trophies from previous seasons.  I’m happy to be involved in something.

If you don’t know who Jocko Sims is, I hope you get to know him soon.  Finally, a movie with an all African-American cast that doesn’t culturally isolate the viewer.  Finally, a movie not simply about depression but about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - and I don’t fault anyone who didn’t recognize it as such.  I think only those people who suffer from the disorder will find themselves clawing at the sofa with its familiarity.  I wonder if the director read Judith Herman because he ripped the script straight from her diagnostic theories.  I thank him for that. 

This is, if you haven’t figured out already, not a light movie.  It is predictable, at times.  Sometimes, the film crosses into shameful cliche, but please don’t let that stop you.  This is an important film, not just to shed light on talented black actors playing universal roles, not because I haven’t found one review by any of the major movie reviewers, but because this film has a dedication at the end.  Because there is an admittance and justice and if you know anyone who suffers from CPTSD due to childhood trauma, ask them if the person who violated or abused them ever admitted their crimes.  Ask them about justice.  Did it serve them?  Ask. 

The answer is always no.  Joco Sims will break your heart and then he’ll put it back together again. 

In the meantime, my three year marriage anniversery passed and today is Valentines Day.  I wasn’t able to get the hubby anything and we weren’t able to go out.  It made me really sad but we are rescheduling everything and he has been, as usual, the best husband and caretaker one could ever hope for.  On top of everything – like taking care of Lina, the animals, the house, and me – he also started a major project for our bedroom closet.  He has ripped everything out of there and he’s going to create one of those closets you see in the magazines- multi-layered shelves with pull-out baskets, and a special place for my shoes and purses.

I missed Sylvia’s b-day.  Total bummer.